Ayumi Matsumoto

Enid • Oklahoma

Story

I wasn't too young when I started dance, I was about 10 years old just finishing elementary school. I didn't take dance very seriously until I was 12 years old I played my recital videos and there were so many good dancers that it inspired me to work hard and to take it seriously. Then when I got my dance magazine I realized that most of the girls in the dance magazine were skinny and had the perfect figure, the perfect lines. I wanted to be just like those girls. So I eventually started bad habits and not eating right. The fact that one of my family members told me that i was fat made me want to lose weight even more. I lost a ton of weight and lost the color of my face. I saw that the really good girls at the studio were the ones that had so many friends and I wanted to have lots of friends like them too, so I posted videos and pictures of me practicing my pirouettes and flexibility, but for some reason I just wasn't in their best interest. One day I was sitting by myself in class and the other girls were talking and laughing in the own group and my dance teacher even saw me stretching all by myself and didn't say anything. After dance I went home and cried wondering why the girls at the studio didn't like me, I tried so hard and they ignore me the only times the talk to me is when they absolutely have to. This year I got my license and had more freedom, so I would lie to my mom and tell her I'm going to dance but instead I went to my work (Starbucks) to chill there and talk to my friends. The guilt I felt was horrible so I would go to the gym after my class my supposedly over to practice. Thing is I absolutely love dance 100% but it's just hard going to a place where you don't feel wanted. I was and still am a very sad and lonely person, I was diagnosed with depression, bulimia nervosa and anxiety June 2016. I am looking forward to getting the help I need and keep doing what I love in the future at a place where I feel wanted and happy.