Untapped Dancer Story: What Fixes It?

Amy Groves

Dorset • England

It hurts to know that you’re not wanted in a place where dreams can come true.

I started dancing at the age of two, but didn't take it seriously until I was eight. Then I did a few local festivals and won a lot of them. When I was ten, I did an all England ballet competition where I got second place and was talent spotted. This drove me to achieve something before I left primary school. My dance teacher asked if I would like to audition for a prestigious Ballet associate program, which of cause I said yes to! What I didn't realize, was that she had also ticked the box for a full time place at the boarding school. To everyone's surprise, I was accepted! So when most girls my age were starting to buy make up and have sleepovers, I was trudged off to boarding school, having no idea what I was getting into. Everything went smoothly, until year 8, where I suddenly lost all my confidence and passion. I would dread ballet every day knowing I was behind everyone else and the teacher hates me. It got to the point where I would finish ballet and hide in a corner in the garden where I knew no one would find me and I would just cry. What I didn't realize I was doing was self harming. The pastoral care was not good, so no one did anything about it, and I was just left to deteriorate. I eventually summoned the courage to tell the house parent, knowing that if I didn't stop I could be assessed out of the school. It felt better at first to tell someone, but the next day I found out she was talking about it in the main reception area in front of all the other parents. I felt betrayed and told myself I couldn't trust anyone else. By this pointe I wasn't even talking to the girls in my dormitory. I knew when I walked down the corridor that I was known as the girl with cuts on her wrist, but what hurt me the most, was that I couldn't even enjoy my ballet. This carried on for nearly two years, but in year nine, I was assessed out of the school. I wasn't totally surprised, but it hurts to know that you're not wanted in a place where dreams can come true. So, I went home and tried to start a new life in Weymouth. In a new school, and with new people, I decided to start afresh, and built myself up to what is now me! Just a confident school girl. I learnt that although dancing is what caused my anxiety and self harm, it's what fixes it in the end. I now love to dance wherever I am and am known nationally for my passion and shine when I am on stage! I hope to one day choreograph for companies to let my passion be shown through others ✨